she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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