In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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