college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
