There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
