there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
