Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
