the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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