I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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