wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
