Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
