fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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