I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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