The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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