how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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