If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
