the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My hand turned me down
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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