so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
