Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
