zippers are such a cool invention
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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