i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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