So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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