You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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