I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
