Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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