You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
