Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
