My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
