So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
