There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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