Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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