we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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