It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
