his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
