But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
