we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
