Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
