i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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