You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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