wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
