I look better un-naked...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
