For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
