So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
