So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
