i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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