Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
