I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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