i just wanna soil my oats bro
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
