Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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