hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
