dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So many bounce houses so little time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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