Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There r osticjed everywhere
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
