Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
