it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
