I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
